5 Etiquette Tips for Houseguests

Communicate Your Travel Plans in Advance

Before your visit, make sure your host knows exactly when you’ll be arriving, how long you plan to stay, and any special needs you might have, including dietary considerations or allergies. It’s never ideal to arrive unannounced or to leave your departure date open-ended. Being clear about your plans as far in advance as possible will help your host prepare for your stay and accommodate you comfortably. According to the Emily Post Institute, the organization founded by the eponymous etiquette expert in 1946, visits should be “short and sweet” — typically no more than three nights. However long your stay, be sure your host is in agreement with your plans.

When possible, try to work around your host’s household schedule (for instance, work hours and school start and end times) and avoid late-night arrivals or departures that could disrupt their sleep. Don’t bring any unexpected additional visitors, including children or friends, without clearing it with your host in advance. Most etiquette experts agree you shouldn’t ask to bring your pet along, as this could put your host in an awkward position. If you need to travel with your pet, offer to stay in a hotel or ask about nearby pet care. This will give your host the chance to extend their invitation to include your pet, if they can.

Bring a Gift for Your Hosts

A good rule of thumb when visiting someone’s home — whether for a few hours or a few days — is to “always show up with something in hand,” according to the Emily Post Institute. A small token of appreciation, such as a bottle of wine, bouquet of flowers, potted plant, or box of chocolates, can go a long way in expressing gratitude. Bringing a gift shows you value the effort your host has put into your stay, and helps set the tone for your visit. If you’re staying with a family, consider a gift everyone can enjoy, such as a board game, puzzle, or snack basket.

You could also show your appreciation by buying groceries and preparing dinner one night, or treating your hosts to an evening out during your visit. If your hosts have young children, you could even offer to babysit one evening so they can go out to dinner. Alternatively, you could offer to pay a sitter so you can all go out together.

Respect the House Rules and Routines

Every home has its own set of routines and expectations, whether about wearing shoes inside, noise levels in the early morning and late evening, if phones are allowed at the dinner table, or when (and where) meals are typically eaten. Make an effort to observe your hosts and follow their house rules without being asked. If in doubt, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask your host whether there’s anything you need to know. It’s a simple way to show respect for their space and routines.

When it comes to consumables, ask before drinking the last of the coffee or juice or snagging the last piece of fruit left in the bowl on the counter. Being considerate of house rules also extends to any children or pets in the home. Ask what’s acceptable before bringing along any sugary treats for the kids or queuing up your favorite TV-MA series in a common room. Likewise, check with your hosts before giving Fido a treat or allowing Fluffy to share the couch or bed with you.

Be Tidy and Self-Sufficient

Whether you’re staying in a guest room or sleeping on a sofa, do your best to keep your area neat. Make the bed every morning, tuck away your belongings, and avoid leaving a mess in common areas. Also be mindful of how long you spend in shared spaces such as the bathroom, and return any borrowed items, including magazines and phone chargers, to their proper place when you are finished with them.

While your host may be eager to make you comfortable, don’t expect them to wait on you hand and foot. Offer to help with chores such as setting the table, doing the dishes, or walking the dog. When your visit comes to an end, try to leave the space as clean as you found it, if not cleaner. Wipe down bathroom counters, take out any trash, and double-check that you haven’t left anything behind. Ask if you should strip the bed linens; if not, make the bed before you leave so your host can wash the sheets at their convenience.

Express Your Gratitude and Extend an Invitation

When it’s time to leave, it’s nice to express your appreciation for your host’s hospitality and the time they spent with you. Mention any specific favorite moments and be sincere in extending an invitation for them to visit your own home or city.A handwritten thank-you note, whether left behind or mailed once you arrive back home, is a thoughtful and appreciated gesture. If you took pictures during your visit, you may consider sending some along with your note, as a reminder of the memories you made together.